Marriage customs have undergone many profound changes in the past few centuries. Contemporary American brides and grooms don’t meet for the first time at the ceremony and the bride doesn’t come attached to livestock from her father.
The average age of couples to be married right now is 28, in comparison to the early 60’s when it was just 22.
As a society we spend more time focusing on ourselves, our careers and dreams well before we “settle down”. We are not 16 year old children being married off, forced to run a household, care for your new husband, cook, clean, and work on the farm alone (all for the first time). Many of my friends have, or are living with, their significant other. They have the basic necessities; vacuum, pots, pans, utensils, serving ware etc. Bridal showers and Wedding registries began in late 1800’s as a way to give the bride-to-be gifts she will need in her new life. Today, a new life is not necessarily what happens after your wedding. Most have the same job, live in the same place, and take care of the chores as they did before they were a Mrs.
When you get engaged you're expected to create a gift registry. Which consists of spending hours in different department stores scanning any and all of the items you like. Ultimately creating a list of “needs” for your new life. A few weeks ago Matt and I did a small part of the registry at two smaller stores. Matt, who is more realististic than I am, put me in my place. Just because I like something it doesn't mean I need it. Utensils that cost $250 a set for $35? Donna and I made the big trip to Macy’s over the weekend. Thank god I went with her, not Matt. Partly because she didn't make me feel bad for putting pricy items on the list, and because she has great suggestions. Three and a half hours later we were done. It’s overwhelming to look at all of the options, brands, and styles. Luckily Donna is an enthusiastic housewife, mom and cook. She was able to recommend knives, bakeware, blenders, vacuums etc. Although I have many of these things, I have the excuse to upgrade… right?
Its nice to be able to make a list of everything you could ever want, right ladies? About 70% of this list consists of items that are necessary for cooking, entertaining and decorating… you know wifely duties. The rest, you may never use. I was skeptical about registering for elaborate things, or items I may use once a year. I do not want ANYONE thinking they need to get us a gift or put them in an uncomfortable situation. My mom and mother-in-law have ensured me that people WANT to get us a gift, we are not a burden.
I love myself some material things, and have a bit of an obsession with designer brands. But after thinking about the symbolic message behind these items I found my whole hearted connection.
Our ‘new beginning’ will be full of gifts from loved ones. These items may not be our first’s but I hope for them to be our last’s. Trust me I enjoy and appreciate all of the attention, time and money put into getting us something. But what I love more than the physical gift is the story, memory or logic behind it. I may not be that 16 year old girl looking for help as I begin my new life. But I am looking forward to the items that will be a forever place in our ‘new beginning’.
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