After struggling for a topic for this weeks WPW, I reached out to the trustee social media platform, Facebook. Luckily, my family were the only ones to respond (thanks guys).
My Aunty Sue, who is the “crazy” aunt in our family(crazy in a good way), had a great idea that had me giggling just thinking about possible topics.
I am no relationship expert and I will never claim to be. Matt and I love each other, DER... we are getting married. But that love does not come without struggles. Aunty Sue suggested that I blog about “Seven discussions to have with him before you marry”.
This had me thinking… while trying to keep ourselves entertained on our four + hour drive back from Boston(partly because I got us lost on the same drive I have done thousands of times), I remembered I “pinned” a game I saw. The game was “100 things to ask him before you get married”. Matt in the passengers seat with our lab laying across his legs like a shih tzu, picked through the 100 questions to only ask me the ones he thought would be funny. After about 5 minutes of him playing this game, it was done.
Even though I was unable to read or be asked all of the questions it got me thinking, who is really going to prepare you for marriage, and what are the things you NEED to know or have figured out before you are married?
Matt and I have a unique relationship and we have lived together almost all of our relationship. So the living situation is not something we needed to talk about (nor was the cooking or house cleaning). Every relationship is different, but for us, I am the lucky one to have the job of being the house cleaner, laundromat, sandwich maker, and grocery shopper.
I don't want to admit this, but when I first started dating Matt I told my mom how messy his room was and how he needed his laundry done. I told her I was going to have it all cleaned up and put away as a surprise when came home from work. She said “Ashley I wouldn't do that if I were you” GOD! Why didn't I just listen to her that ONE time. Well needless to say, nice deeds never go unpunished. Matt likes to say “You’ve created a monster” UGH, he’s right.
Lesson number one; DO NOT do too much in the beginning, like a puppy they become trained to expect dinner at a certain time, want clean (put away) clothes, and groceries in the fridge.
Another heavy topic most couples struggle with are the holidays. We have been lucky enough to fall into a great pattern! At the moment we do not live close to either of our families, but split holidays well. Matts family, from day one, has been so amazing, supportive, and loving. I look forward to spending time with them just as I do with my own family. Lesson number two; Make a plan, and make it even!
As for lesson number three; My poor In-Laws, they are two of the kindest, warm hearted people I have ever met. For them to put up with me after a long night, they are saints. BE YOURSELF. As you all know I like to enjoy a drink or 5. Matt and I come home in a drunken stupor, play with the the dogs, and more likely than not, I'm demanded to make Matt a sandwich (his favorite food if you haven't caught on yet). I talk and talk and talk about absolutely nothing. They sit giving me their full attention, listening to whatever rambles out of my mouth. To then have me wake up hungover and talk about the same thing I was talking about last night(I have horrible memory). They know who I really am, how I “let loose” and how Matt and I interact. No front, no show, and no act.
Lesson number four is actually serious and something that has gotten Matt and I through a lot. You must be on the same page, want the same things, and want whats best for one another, no matter what. Whether its your lifestyle, religious beliefs, family, goals, work etc. Things will come across your lap at any time and if you don't have that support or willingness to share success with your partner it will be difficult to be happy for one another.
I definitely do not know all of the questions to ask before we marry but I do know what has KINDA worked for us for now.
If you have to question someone's past, don't know their middle name, favorite color, or realize that they will never admit that they put the ice try back empty, you have a lot to learn.
- Ash
