While vacationing with my
lady friends over the weekend, we got into a conversation about marriage and
what it really is. Why do people really get married? Is it Love? Citizenship?
Health insurance? Money?
This electric crew differs
in almost every way. But, it works. These ladies have been by my side through
thick and thin and if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I don't
get to see them as often as I'd like, but when I do, I soak up every hysterical
moment. Whether they know it or not, our friendship means more than anything. I
respect these ladies, and would drop everything for them, even if we haven’t
seen each other in months.
While sitting at the table
chatting about this topic, I wanted to drink but more importantly, I wanted to
hear what each of them truly thought about Marriage. Some believe it's only a
piece of paper, a scary childhood memory, and others, true love. Growing up as
a fair weather Roman Catholic, we were taught that marriage is a sacrament. A
sacred gift you give to god. You marry to have children and live happily ever
after. But, we all know that's not how fairy tales go.
If we break down marital
statistics, 3 of us will get divorced and .75 of us will never marry.
Although ALL of us are in
different stages in our lives, It was scary to think... that is reality.
As we close in on our 365 day countdown, Matt and I continue to struggle with our decision to get married in a church or not. Matt and I differ in many aspects, but not tradition. Matt is not your stereotypical Christian or suit and tie kinda guy. But, he does believe in family. If I let him, he would have a baby yesterday. He has been known to ask friends (or any women for that matter) if he could "use your oven". At least he tells them they have to give the child to me after it's born.
Anyway, the choice--to get
married in a church or not? Yes, we did make our confirmations and we do
believe in the basic Christian values. But do we really want someone who
doesn't know us marrying us? If this day is about sharing your love with people
who know you, why does this “random” get the honor of making us official husband
and wife? This is one of the most important and special days of our life, why
is the one person marrying you the only one who doesn't know you?
Back in the day, church was
a social outing. More often than not, the priest who baptized you, married you.
Unfortunately, Matt and I do not live this life style. We don't even live in
the same state as the church. I struggle with this decision because, what if I
regret it? What if I want to be married in the same church as my parents and
grandparents? What if I want that attention and that amazing moment of our
entire family and friends seeing me in a wedding gown for the first time (yeah,
I like a bit of attention... So what, sue me).
I think back to the reason
of why we are getting married. Unfortunately, we do not live within church
"regulations". We can all be honest here, Matt and I live together
and the church doesn’t necessarily condone that.
Last summer Matt and I were honored to go/be a part of one of the
most beautiful weddings I have ever been to. One part of their wedding I
will never forget (probably because that’s the only time during the wedding I
was sober) was their amazing ceremony! It was one of the most personal, honest,
and true speeches I have ever heard. At that instant I thought, this is exactly
what I want, someone who could speak to our past, share a story and express
true honor and passion within every word. It was about them and their
commitment to each other. I left their wedding thinking about their love, their
commitment, and their personal touches that made that day one of the most
memorable moments of my life. The fact that it was on Nantucket, didn’t hurt
either.
Although our decision has
yet to be made, it makes me think... What do we want? Tradition? Church?
Personal? Or none of it at all?
- Ash
