Church, or not to Church?….

While vacationing with my lady friends over the weekend, we got into a conversation about marriage and what it really is. Why do people really get married? Is it Love? Citizenship? Health insurance? Money?

This electric crew differs in almost every way. But, it works. These ladies have been by my side through thick and thin and if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but when I do, I soak up every hysterical moment. Whether they know it or not, our friendship means more than anything. I respect these ladies, and would drop everything for them, even if we haven’t seen each other in months.

While sitting at the table chatting about this topic, I wanted to drink but more importantly, I wanted to hear what each of them truly thought about Marriage. Some believe it's only a piece of paper, a scary childhood memory, and others, true love. Growing up as a fair weather Roman Catholic, we were taught that marriage is a sacrament. A sacred gift you give to god. You marry to have children and live happily ever after. But, we all know that's not how fairy tales go.

If we break down marital statistics, 3 of us will get divorced and .75 of us will never marry.

Although ALL of us are in different stages in our lives, It was scary to think... that is reality.

As we close in on our 365 day countdown, Matt and I continue to struggle with our decision to get married in a church or not. Matt and I differ in many aspects, but not tradition. Matt is not your stereotypical Christian or suit and tie kinda guy. But, he does believe in family. If I let him, he would have a baby yesterday. He has been known to ask friends (or any women for that matter) if he could "use your oven". At least he tells them they have to give the child to me after it's born.

Anyway, the choice--to get married in a church or not? Yes, we did make our confirmations and we do believe in the basic Christian values. But do we really want someone who doesn't know us marrying us? If this day is about sharing your love with people who know you, why does this “random” get the honor of making us official husband and wife? This is one of the most important and special days of our life, why is the one person marrying you the only one who doesn't know you?

Back in the day, church was a social outing. More often than not, the priest who baptized you, married you. Unfortunately, Matt and I do not live this life style. We don't even live in the same state as the church. I struggle with this decision because, what if I regret it? What if I want to be married in the same church as my parents and grandparents? What if I want that attention and that amazing moment of our entire family and friends seeing me in a wedding gown for the first time (yeah, I like a bit of attention... So what, sue me).

I think back to the reason of why we are getting married. Unfortunately, we do not live within church "regulations". We can all be honest here, Matt and I live together and the church doesn’t necessarily condone that.

Last summer Matt and I were honored to go/be a part of one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to.  One part of their wedding I will never forget (probably because that’s the only time during the wedding I was sober) was their amazing ceremony! It was one of the most personal, honest, and true speeches I have ever heard. At that instant I thought, this is exactly what I want, someone who could speak to our past, share a story and express true honor and passion within every word. It was about them and their commitment to each other. I left their wedding thinking about their love, their commitment, and their personal touches that made that day one of the most memorable moments of my life. The fact that it was on Nantucket, didn’t hurt either.

 

Although our decision has yet to be made, it makes me think... What do we want? Tradition? Church? Personal? Or none of it at all?

-    Ash

Whats Old is New?…

What is a modern bride? What is so different between our parents/grandparents weddings and weddings today?  Is it that we spend more money? The personal details?  Trendy attire? Pintrest?

While reading through wedding magazines and bridal blogs, all I see is "Today's modern bride", "New wedding rules", “New cakes, fashion, decor and gift ideas.”  It really got me thinking…

Editorials ads, magazines, and wedding planning websites make it easier to collect ideas, search vendors, and create an inspiration board.  But when it comes down to the actual wedding, what makes it new?

A wedding is defined as a marriage ceremony; a ceremony in which two people get married.

When you break it down, after a year plus of planning, decor, makeup, dresses, flowers and spending money, you're "new" wedding is nothing but a wonderful, amazing memory… While pondering how creative and different I would like our wedding to be, I realized, it didn’t matter.

What you really remember, are the people you shared it with. We all have them, the dreaded distant family members, cousins you haven’t seen in years or the people you have never met. Every bride will be faced with this issue. I have a very blunt, but true belief about it (sorry if I offend anyone).

Matt and I are very “real” people. We do not hide behind the “perfect” relationship curtain, or brag to people about how in love we are.  We are getting married for us, to celebrate our love, and our forever future together. Yeah Matt that’s right, FOR-EV-ER (Sandlot voice).   We want to share that day with people who know us, who know what we have been through, and will continue to show support.

As we were making our mile long guest list, I realized our “maybe” list had many people on it who have impacted my life more than others on the “invite” list.

The majority of people on this list are the lovely, beautiful, pants-peeing M.O.M’s Group (Donna’s friends. Here’s your shout out ladies).  Many of these women I have known since I was 6 or 7 years old. They watched me grow up, play soccer, get into trouble, graduate college, move to NY and actually be able to pay all of my bills, alone.  They support my mom, and my mom supports them. This rare crowd (rare, being kind) has been a part of my life more than others I HAVE to invite. Their continuous encouragement, drinking ways are nothing short of LOVE.  I’m forced to invite others who have no idea about my life, my relationship, and who I am instead of these women?

A wedding is a celebration of a couple's commitment to one another. It’s a time for your friends and family to party, bless you're new “life”, share their happiness and support. If you're inviting people who do not know you, why are they there? If you're second guessing if you are one of those people, then….

I get it, and to avoid offending anyone, my entire family will be invited. I just wanted to share the truth, the real, and the honest. Again, this blog is not about all of the happy times, the venue band or all of the crazy things Tiger does. It’s about WHAT REALLY HAPPENS BEFORE I DO, situations I am faced with during this amazing time in my life.

So, back to what makes a modern bride. I really got to thinking, what would make my wedding “new”?  I have the venue, a band and that’s about it. God, that’s scary. What if I don’t want to be new? What if I want my wedding to be traditional?  What can I do to make our guest leave saying, "WOW, that was an amazing time!”?

I Googled “what makes a wedding modern”. An interesting article from brides.com popped up, "75 ways to make your wedding unique" the article was 75 different decorating ideas. These ideas could pertain to any event or party, not just a wedding.

In the fashion world, trends seem to cycle every 20 years. As we saw the duchess, Kate, wore a long sleeve gown. Many people thought how amazing, different, and new. But in all reality Sarah Burton (The creative director for Alexander McQueen) recycled an 80's style. The long sleeves were not "new". I'm sure you all remember the mid 80's wedding dresses. Donna being one of those lucky brides had selves, pickups, satin, and according pleating. God, there was a lot going on. This gown actually had some qualities that I liked. The sleeves, not so much.

I don't know how to answer my own question or if I even believe there is such thing as a “new” wedding. What’s new is old, right? All I can tell you is that our wedding will be a reflection of us, what we believe, and what we want to share with those invited.

Brides to be, or now “MRS.” What do you think makes a wedding "new"?

- Ash

No One Puts Baby In The Corner...

Before I moved to NY, I styled for a New England bridal magazine and before that, a high end Bridal salon on Newbury St. (managing their PR and events). I have always had a love for the crazy "bridal world".  It’s an economy-safe money machine. My Senior thesis at Lasell high, (kidding, Lasell College) was 50 some odd pages of a detailed bridal consignment business (I guess i’ll keep that plan for later in life).

Although I have worked in the industry for over 5 years, I honestly never thought of my own wedding. When asked, I truly didn't have an answer. I want nothing I've ever seen, nothing I've ever done, and NOTHING that was cookie cutter. I have never tried on a bridal gown and I've never put anyone else's ring on (IT'S BAD LUCK).

Now that my time has come, my experience in the bridal industry has been nothing but a problem. Like I've said, I don't like typical, average, or normal. I like creative, unique and clearly expensive.

There are very few things that I want at our wedding. First, the location. I want my guests to have an amazing time, feel comfortable, and be able to enjoy themselves.  I didn't want a venue where we had to have cocktails promptly at 6, dinner at 7:05, speeches at 7:20, cake cutting at 8:00, parents dances at 8:30… you get the idea. Thankfully, my location was a breeze(not like I saw anything else).

Second, a band. Although I may not be good at it, I LOVE to dance. My friends, Matt’s friends, my family. You name it, we all have pep in our step. Well, the more accurate statement would be;

   "Trust me, you can dance!" - vodka

typical move, one
hand up drink
in the other

But in all honesty, the band is the biggest part of this wedding. I didn't want a "wedding band" unless it was the Dan Band (Wedding Crashers, of course) but that wasn't within Tiger’s budget.  I have too much of a shopping problem to afford them so I figured I would look at local bars around Salem. Rockafellas, known for having great Saturday night bands, was a great place to start. It didn't take me long it find one that I actually remembered(trust me, Its a big deal)! This one band had me on my feet all night! She was interactive, expressive and funny. Plus, she can channel my girl Janice(Joplin for those who don't know).

Anyway, I went home for Fourth of July weekend in hopes to see them play again. Due to the weather, both of their performances were re-scheduled. I asked Donna and Tiger to make plans to see them the following weekend. I, of course, had to work.

I do not understand how people can plan a destination wedding! I am under four hours away from home and can't make it to most of the meetings, viewings or events. Thankfully I have my family, who are trying to see my vision and understand what I'm looking for... I hope.

Because this was the biggest decision i’ll make within the wedding planning process (bedside maybe my dress), I knew my dancing, drinking, emotional, partner in crime would be the best person to give me his honest opinion; My Dad.

So there I was at work, on a Sunday night doing a floor set (for all of you who do not work in retail or visual management it's HELL), slaving away,  Tiger is sending me videos of the band.

I’m asking him if he likes them, if he thinks the lead singer is interactive, if he's dancing, etc… I received no answer.

Well, let me back up for a minute. My dad, not the most tech savvy person in the world, recently got an iPhone and has yet to take his eyes off of it. He used to yell at us for texting at the dinner table or for being on that "face group thing”. Well let me tell you, the tables have turned. He's a new man, texting (in abbreviations), emailing, taking pictures and videos. Not only does he have more pictures and videos of my dog than I do, but he shares them with his "friends".  "You want to see an awesome dog, this dog right here"… he goes on and on, then people say “wow your dog is great”, "Oh no that’s my daughters dog, they live in NY"

 

He proudly shows pictures of his family, work he has done and his pride and joy ME(kidding, well kinda. Sarah and Tj have grown to accept their roles)!

He is obviously a huge part of this journey and I want him to be involved wherever he can be.

So, back to the band… He's sending me these blurry videos of songs we like. One of them: a Tom Petty classic. We went to a Tom Petty concert together when I was in high school. Had a great time dancing/ singing only a few rows away from the stage. Not the typical father daughter outing, but it’s what we liked.

I finally get a hold of my mom, who is stuck going on these crazy adventures with him. She thought they were good, but hard to tell because they did not have their entire 8 pieces set at this event. I thought okay, good start lets keep looking.

Then… the text from Tiger….

 

A SELFIE of him and the lead singer. The text read

 "Good-n-You"

Of course, the infamous saying! yeah, he does actually own the Patten on this phrase. And don't forget the first location of the Good-n- You tattoo! (If you know him, I'm sure its not a vision you want to remember)

Seriously, my almost 55 year old father was taking selfies with the band I should be listening to for MY wedding! Honestly, I can't make this up.

I said: “So Dad what do you think?”

He responded; "She's great, we are tight. I have her personal number.  Did you know she played at  _______ wedding last year?"

At that point I put my phone down, finished the floor set, and went home and pored a huge glass of wine. Jealous of my dad enjoying the little aspects of wedding planning I’m missing out on.

Sometimes I really wonder, whose wedding is this?

- Ash 

NEVER rush a lady….

Now that our date has been decided for us (as if it were an arranged marriage), Matt and I wanted to celebrate with our friends and family. 

We decided to do something a bit unconventional because marriage and relationships are NEVER perfect (if you think yours is, you're in denial).  I believe that friends and family are the only people who can (and will) help you through the hard times. I realize, there will be plenty of arguments where I am going to want to cut Matt's head off, or he'll wish he had a Mute button so he didn't have to listen to me bitch about dropping the laundry NEXT to the laundry basket, not IN it.  We wanted to have a party to celebrate our support system, our friendships and our families for helping us become the people we are.

I was trying to keep the details a secret, but Matt  “didn’t hear me say that” … So the details and the "surprise" quickly spread.  Matt and I planned to ask our friends and family invited to be a part of our bridal party.

Matt, who always claimed he would “never get married”, had decided on 10 groomsmen! I mean, come on. You didn't want to get married now, you have a list longer than a starting lineup?

I asked my parents if we could have the party at their house. I have been lucky enough to grow up in such a warm, welcoming, and loving home that I couldn't think of any other place to have it. I figured we could host a traditional New England lobster bake!  Many of our guests had never been to Salem (let alone off of Long Island), so I thought the theme would be perfect!

My German/Polish carnivore of a fiancé wanted something a little different- a pig roast.

Because this wedding is about “US” I said okay. So there we were, hosting a lobster bake/ pig roast.  

I ordered invitations and sent them to our hopeful bridal party. These invitations, by the way, were nothing but a pain. You would think its easy to find pig and lobster stickers right? Well, you can't! I went to every arts and crafts store in Westchester county trying to find those things. Because I wanted them to look a certain way, I was stuck drawing, cutting and gluing 50 little pigs and 50 lobsters onto the invitations.

It seems to be a tradition in the Lambert household, right before we host a party we fix things around the house. For example; the night before my college graduation party, my uncles laid down new hardwood floors in the living room. Nothing like some last minute fixes

This event put bridezilla, Tiger, in full force. He spent the next two months fixing the back yard. He and my brother, T.J., worked every weekend rebuilding, running wire and digging. When I would call to check-in, Tiger would tell me all about the hard work he had done, but never shared details, other than a new deck. I asked my sister and mother to send pictures of the updates. I wanted to see all of the work they had put into the yard. After a few days of them ignoring my requests, Sarah spilled the beans. They had strict instructions from Tiger NOT to send Matt or I any pictures of the yard. He wanted it to be a surprise. And a Surprise it was! 

The weekend was finally here, Matt and I had planned to leave NY on Thursday so we could help my parents with last minute things.  Anytime Matt and I leave our apartment for the weekend it's a production. Matt claims it takes him “two seconds” to pack a bag. What really happens: he asks if he should bring this, pack that, need more shorts, sweatshirts. He has “nothing that fits”, you get the idea.

I, on the other hand, try to make sure I have every option with me. Over the past few years I have really invested in my closet, and try and wear my “investments” as much as possible(the price to wear ratio; not so good). I had purchased a dress just for this occasion (like I didn't have anything in my closet).  I thought it would cut down my options, and minimize my packing. 

So after rushing around that morning, getting the gifts together, picking up last minute things, and packing, we were ready to go. Matt, like clock work, came home from work and rushed me out of the house.  I like to circle around a few time to make sure I didnt forget anything. In his stern voice, he told me I had all day to do this. Why wasn't I ready? I figured I didn't want to start a pointless argument(picking my battles), grabbed my bag and got in the car. 

It took us 5.5 hours to get home that night (thanks Rt. 128)! 

Anyway, Friday morning Matt and I had an appointment with one of the hotels downtown Salem. We are still trying to find a hotel that can accommodate the number of rooms we need to reserve for our guests.

Mom's so crafty!
Each flag stands
 for a letter
…Lambert
other side was
Stambler!

I was getting ready for our meeting when I started to look for my garment bag, which had all of my clothes in it. An adorable jumper (a new “investment”), the dress for my party, and a few “just incase” outfits. I yell for Matt and asked him where he hung it. He said he never saw it. I asked Sarah, who knew nothing about it either. I immediately go into panic mode. I ran to the car wearing nothing but Sarahs alabama bathrobe (why she has that we don't know, she never went there or even applied).  I saw NOTHING! After I freaked out, we came to the realization that the garment bag was in our apartment in White Plains. I had never packed it because Matt rushed me out of the house! Was it really his fault? Probably not, but at that moment everything was his fault. If he didn't rush me out of the house I would have done my second walk through and saw the bag. My next thought was, ‘who’s coming to NY with me?’.

Matt remembered that his best friend John was picking up a friend who lived close enough to our apartment that he could grab it. John has been Matt’s best friend since elementary school and honestly, I  was unsure if he even liked me. I’ve been around for years and years, but I never seemed to get a good or bad vibe from him until recently. I get it, they haven't been on their “MANcations” to romantic destinations as frequently, or see each other as much as they would like, due to us splitting what little time we had off between Long Island and Massachusetts. Like me or not, he was going to get my clothes!

I calmed down for a few seconds, then, realized he didn't have keys! Thankfully Matt was already on the phone with the super. He definitely didn't want to deal with me if he didn't get my clothes. After what seemed like hours, the super called with good news, he found the copy of our key.

Before I called John, I had prepared to offer my first born in exchange for my clothes. To my surprise, and without hesitation, John said no problem!  At that moment, I realized that maybe he really does like me(not like he had a choice at this point). John successfully found the garment bag hanging on the outside of my closet. I owe him, big time. After tracking his trip hourly,  he and my clothes made it to Salem!  Now I was able to calm down.

While Sarah and I were concocting bourbon lemonade and sangria for tomorrows party, about 10 of our friends and family had to make sure it wasn't poisonous. Lets just say, there wasn't much lemonde left for the party.  We all woke up with a bit of a headache the next morning. But there was no time for a hangover, we had a party to get ready for!  
Donna had done an amazing job preparing for this event! She had all of the food ready to go, she knew what time the guys needed to put the 9 racks of ribs on, when she wanted her wings put out, and of course when the 20+ pound pig shoulder needed to be on the grill.

The amount of food my mom can put together is nothing short of a miracle. Like I said, I am so lucky to grow up in the home that I did. Donna made her own barbecue and wing sauces (yes more than one) from the peppers she grew in her garden. She had about five different sides, clearly labeled, vegetarian, gluten free or vegan. Everything was homemade!

The 60+ lobsters were the star of the show. We were able to get the lobsters fresh as fresh can get. They were caught and cooked within 3 hours of leaving the ocean (perks of living on the North Shore)

As soon as all of our guest were finished eating, Sarah helped me bring out the gifts.

Matt, got the guys monogrammed beer glasses.  I, on the other hand, went a bit over board.  Since our engagement, I have become absolutely addicted to Etsy. I found myself ordering gifts every other day because hey, it only happens once. So I found about 70 different ways to ask the girls to be my bridesmaid.

I prepared myself all day to explain why we wanted to have the party the way we did (by prepare, I mean that I did not get inebriated by 4pm).  As soon as Matt and I stood up in front of our friend and family, I lost it. I became overwhelmed with emotions. How could I be so lucky to have everything I have? I was standing next to the love of my life, looking out at our friends and family asking them to be part of our wedding. I couldn't get a word out.

Thankfully, Matt is like the Tinman. With a few emotionless words, he officially asked our friends and family to be a part of our wedding party.  I calmed myself down had a drink and mingled with my offical bridal party!

- Ash